The secret diary of...

We've just spotted Steve Braunias' latest Secret Diary piece, and it's an absolute belter. We're not going to give too much of it away, but it's about Tom Cruise, and there's a Kiwi connection; here's a wee sample:

Monday

The wife left on Friday. She took the kid. I moped around the house all weekend in my socks and underwear. It wasn't quite like Risky Business.

Met the lawyers. They calculated that my total earnings in the past year were $75 million and so, after tax, the total amount I'd owe Katie in a divorce settlement is precisely nothing.

"Thanks, guys," I said. "Hey. Who wants to stay? I'll order pizza. We can watch ESPN. Pop open some cold ones from the fridge. Who's in?"

They said they were sorry but they had to get to work. One of them popped his head back in the door as they were leaving and said, "You might want to change your socks and underwear." 

This one is a must-read, but it comes with a warning. Do NOT have a mouthful of food or coffee when you get to the last line, as the result might not be good for your monitor and/or keyboard. And we'd hate to have that on our conscience.

This is great stuff from Steve Braunias; possibly his best yet; enjoy!