Took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror this morning, and really liked what I saw.
Flashed a winning smile. It was boyish, but also adult. It was sincere, but also ruthless. In summary, it had everything.
Threw my head back and roared with laughter. Nodded my head enthusiastically and burst into applause. Spun my head right around and vomited up buckets of green sick.
Might save that last one for special occasions.
Oh, hang on! I already did it all weekend at the Labour Party conference.
It really impressed MPs such as Louisa Wall and Charles Chauvel. It was as though they fell under my spell. "We'll follow you to hell and back," they chanted.
"Well," I said, "I can take you halfway."
This is vintage Braunias. The only thing we need to know is this; is it satire, or is it factual; especially Friday's instalment?